The Lie
About 2 months ago, the Lord put it on my heart to write a book. As I've been writing this book, I've felt like there are some excerpts I need to share now, before the book is released. I have no idea when it will be released, I'm not even close to being done now, but God will tell me when I've finished I'm sure. The following is adapted from a chapter called "The Lie" and I feel like it needs to be shared now for some reason.
Today Was Supposed to Be Different
For those of you who read this blog, you probably know me and see me quite often. You see me (or Cameron) with our little and see a family who kind of has it together. There are things you don't see, however. Like today. Today should have been a fun day. Today, we went to the zoo with some friends. Today, we ran errands and made good choices. Today should have been a fun day. It was not.
Thursday Mornings
I head towards my kitchen table, warm Pop-Tart in one hand, hot coffee in my favorite mug occupying my other hand. I splash a little bit of the scalding liquid on my right foot as I clumsily try and scoot the chair out from the table with my other foot, balancing hot food, hot coffee, and myself like some sort of nightmare yoga nobody ever asked for.
There's Nothing I Can Do
The last week or so has been an adventure. And when I say "adventure" what I really mean is something closer to the pages Dante left on the cutting room floor when he penned Divine Comedy because they were simply too horrifying.
Positive
Four days into fostering our first set, and I knew that my period wasn't "just late". I didn't want to take the test. This wasn't part of the plan I had submitted to, and I wasn't ready for those next steps. But with each passing day, the unknown kept gnawing at me and I decided to just pee on the stick. Positive.
The Thief
I feel like a thief. Last week, our youngest foster child stood on her own for the first time. Yesterday, she learned how to wave, and uses the gesture to say hi at all the right times and everything. Next week, she'll probably be walking. These are beautiful moments—milestone moments—in the life of a child.
Signed Sealed Delivered
Ohmygosh Ohmygosh Ohmygosh.. They're here. What do we do? Maybe if we ignore the doorbell they'll just go away. Wait! No. That's not what we want. Ok. Time to open the door. Just open it. There's no one bad behind it, just your caseworker. It's ok. Breathe. Smile. Open.
Mother's Day - Acts 20:24
Hello, babies. As Mother's Day approaches, all I can think about is you. How old you would be now if you were alive. How far along I would be if you had made it. All I have is one ultrasound picture that is proof you lived at one point. There's no evidence I'm a mom, just that one picture and that's it.
Ain't Over Yet
Endurance is hard. When you’re tired, life has a good way of kicking you where it hurts. When dealing with hardship like miscarriages and infertility, how do we know when to give up?