For Just A Little While
You are a person. Actual and whole. Though your body is small and your personality meek, your soul is so big. God has known you for awhile and has created your beautiful soul in the image of His own. You are His child. We just get to watch you for a little while.
But Tonight Was Different
If you've spent any amount of time with us, you know fostering/parenting has taught us a whole slew of things. I thought I was pretty awesome before fostering, and now I'm re-realizing just how sinful I still am. The Lord has revealed to me the hidden sins of my heart and just how deeply rooted they are. Every single day is a battle and I am in awe of you parents who have been in this for years.
A Time to Ignore
I've always been told that when you become a parent, you learn things about God that you might never see otherwise. I have certainly found that to be true, but what I didn't expect was the lessons I would learn about myself.
Today Was Supposed to Be Different
For those of you who read this blog, you probably know me and see me quite often. You see me (or Cameron) with our little and see a family who kind of has it together. There are things you don't see, however. Like today. Today should have been a fun day. Today, we went to the zoo with some friends. Today, we ran errands and made good choices. Today should have been a fun day. It was not.
Thursday Mornings
I head towards my kitchen table, warm Pop-Tart in one hand, hot coffee in my favorite mug occupying my other hand. I splash a little bit of the scalding liquid on my right foot as I clumsily try and scoot the chair out from the table with my other foot, balancing hot food, hot coffee, and myself like some sort of nightmare yoga nobody ever asked for.
There's Nothing I Can Do
The last week or so has been an adventure. And when I say "adventure" what I really mean is something closer to the pages Dante left on the cutting room floor when he penned Divine Comedy because they were simply too horrifying.
Positive
Four days into fostering our first set, and I knew that my period wasn't "just late". I didn't want to take the test. This wasn't part of the plan I had submitted to, and I wasn't ready for those next steps. But with each passing day, the unknown kept gnawing at me and I decided to just pee on the stick. Positive.
The Thief
I feel like a thief. Last week, our youngest foster child stood on her own for the first time. Yesterday, she learned how to wave, and uses the gesture to say hi at all the right times and everything. Next week, she'll probably be walking. These are beautiful moments—milestone moments—in the life of a child.
Signed Sealed Delivered
Ohmygosh Ohmygosh Ohmygosh.. They're here. What do we do? Maybe if we ignore the doorbell they'll just go away. Wait! No. That's not what we want. Ok. Time to open the door. Just open it. There's no one bad behind it, just your caseworker. It's ok. Breathe. Smile. Open.
Mother's Day - Acts 20:24
Hello, babies. As Mother's Day approaches, all I can think about is you. How old you would be now if you were alive. How far along I would be if you had made it. All I have is one ultrasound picture that is proof you lived at one point. There's no evidence I'm a mom, just that one picture and that's it.
